


The Marvelous, Miscellaneous, Madam Mim

by Chess_Blackfyre



Series: Tales of Gramarye [2]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-24
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:35:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22388797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chess_Blackfyre/pseuds/Chess_Blackfyre
Summary: One shots and various other ideas taking place in the Broken Kingdom, Broken Crown universeChapter One: House RulesChapter Two: Love BirdsChapter Three: The Agrabah IncidentChapter Four: Tabula RosaChapter Five: From One Queen to Another
Relationships: Belle (Once Upon a Time)/Madam Mim (Disney), Captain Hook | Killian Jones/Emma Swan
Series: Tales of Gramarye [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1602331
Comments: 22
Kudos: 8





	1. House Rules

Due to an unfortunate incident involving a spilled growth potion, a spider, and a lack of proper aim, Emma and Killian’s house is in need of renovations. Not wanting to move back in with her parents, (as little Neal is teething and David gets glare-y when they make out on the couch) Maeve and Belle have offered to let the other couple stay at their for the next few weeks until the repairs are finished.

Wanting to make sure that the couple knew what they were walking into, Merlin has prepared the following list of formal or informal house rules for the residence:

  1. There are three fire extinguishers located throughout the house. It would be in your best interest to memorize where they are
  2. Unless someone is dying or something is on fire, Saturday mornings are for sleeping in. And even then it depends
  3. Belle will be reading at least two books at any given time, and they will be found throughout the house. She gets grumpy if you move either of them. Yes, even if it’s in the bathroom
  4. At times, Maeve will be seen eating raw cookie dough while listening to Lana Del Ray. You are not to judge her. She has had a rough day
  5. All mention of certain evil exes is strictly forbidden on pain of ~~death~~. (Look, Belle gets really sad and if she gets sad Maeve gets grumpy at you for making her sad so just don’t bring it up)
  6. If you hear an earth-shattering below that sounds like the shrieks of an incensed behemoth, don’t be alarmed. Maeve is just frustrated with the toaster. Or the oven. Or the microwave.
  7. Sometimes, Maeve and Belle will talk to birds. They’re magic birds so it's fine.
  8. If windows or doors open randomly, don’t worry, it’s just Oberon. He knows how to open them so he can do his business outside. He may forget to close them, though. Note: birds can’t see glass, so make sure he’s back inside before closing a window. While seeing him smack into a window is funny, Maeve will get grumpy
  9. Unless you want another table thrown through a window, do NOT suggest Monopoly on game night. Scrabble—while after several lively debates now requires the presence of the largest dictionary known to man—is a much safer option
  10. Belle will almost always be brewing a cup of tea, even if she barely drinks it. She will get grumpy if you get rid of it without asking. Even if it is ice cold
  11. One roommate does not know how to work a blender properly. Do NOT point it out.
  12. Belle needs at least a whole shelf in the pantry for all her different types of tea and honey. This is non-negotiable.
  13. Maeve needs at least 1/5 of the refrigerator for her potions/ experiments. This is also non-negotiable. 
  14. Do NOT ingest any of Maeve’s experiments. You will be taking your life into your own hands. Only ingest anything after she tells you it’s okay—and even them make sure she explains what it actually does. Because there’s a difference between magic mushrooms and “magic” mushrooms.
  15. No dishes in the sink




	2. Love Birds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's turn back the clock and take a look back on the early days of Maeve and Belle's relationship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy :)

The witch looked up over the rim of her book. "What is it?"

“You are just…amazingly well-read,” Belle smiled. That was the second text that Mim had been able to tackle a text that the librarian hadn't been able to make heads or tails of.

The witch just shrugged, the smile more shy than smug. “Well, that’s the thing about longevity: it's really easy to get bored."

"You learned ancient Sylvan out of boredom?"

"I learned a lot of things out of boredom. That or having a pretty face to impress."

Belle flushed. "But seriously, what other kinds of things have you studied?"

"Uh, well, that's a long list, dearest. I started off trying to learn about all the magic I could. A lot of potioncraft. Then I got interested in alchemy and herbology, which leads to a study of poisons, which leads to a study of poisonous animals, realizing that the more I learn about animals the more I can use their forms with my own magic, which leads to zoology and so on and so forth until I looked up one morning and find myself about knee-high in grapes, apprenticed at a winery."

Another chuckle. and all Maeve could think about was how nice a laugh Belle had, and how much she liked to be the cause of it. Killian meanwhile, was thinking something along the lines of _For gods' sake just kiss already!_

* * *

First dates were...awkward to say the least. Especially first dates where you couldn't exactly fall back on the standard small talk of jobs or hobbies or friends. No, it was the very particular kind of awkward that had Belle and Maeve sitting in both at Granny’s diner, unable to come up with what to say to each other.

"How about we start over?" The brunette suggested. "Re-introduce ourselves."

"Sounds fun," the witch smiled. "So, hello perfect stranger, may I join you at this establishment for a light lunch, perhaps."

That earned her a chuckle. "You may."

“I’m Belle, I work as a town librarian, and I just got out of a long term relationship and am in the midst of getting a divorce.”

“Well, I’m Maeve and I’m new to this realm. My last serious relationship was about fifteen years ago--not counting the curse, of course."

"Oh, may I ask what happened?"

"You may," the shapeshifter pours a packet of sugar into her coffee. "She fell in love with someone else."

Belle’s eyebrows shot up. “Oh, well, thank you for being honest,” her expression softened, and the brunette placed a gentle hand over Maeve’s. “It’s actually something I really appreciate about you.”

The shapeshifter’s heart stuttered. The good kind, the oh-my-gods-a-cute-girl-is-holding-my-hand kind not often seen on 250-something-year-olds.

“Then for honesty’s sake, I can admit that I probably could have handled it better.”

"How did you handle it, if I may ask?"

"Oh. Mainly mushrooms and crying."

* * *

Well, Belle said she should try making friends with the other townsfolk. So, meeting up at the Rabbit Hole with Emma and Snow White, Madam Mim did her best to be sociable and interesting. Maeve poured herself a tall glass of whiskey. “Hey, wanna see me shotgun this?”

The sheriff looked over, uncertain. “Uh, sure?"

“Why not?” Snow chimed in.

With a smile, she pushed the glass towards the other woman and—

“—oh you meant the bottle. You’re just gonna chug that entire bottle." Snow commented. Emma just stared as Maeve indeed downed that entire bottle without once having to come up for air. 

* * *

David had suggested a game night in good faith. Just a nice, quiet evening at Belle's while Henry made a few extra bucks babysitting his uncle Neal.

Then, Snow suggested Monopoly.

Three hours later, David was wishing for the Dark Cruse to take him as Emma and Belle were arguing over the rules, Hook was the one actually reading them, and Snow cackled as Mim landed on one of her properties for the third time in a row.

_"Fuck this game!_ "

The table landed with a crash on Belle's front lawn. Scattered amongst the broken glass were slips of colored paper, small metal figurines, and miniature red and greenhouses.

Sheepish, the shapeshifter went to grab a broom.

* * *

"You sure you don't mind?" Belle asked. "David and Mary Margaret just need me to watch the baby for a bit."

"Not in the least, dearest," Maeve smiled. One goodbye kiss later, and the door chimed closed.

That was when the shapeshifter caught a whiff of what can only be described as rotting wood, dried blood, and aftershave. "Ah, Dark One. Dramatic entrance, right on cue."

“You still haven’t lost your smart mouth, I see." Rumplestiltskin commented, probably going for vaguely threatening. Maeve's mask didn't crack.

A shrug and a smirk. “If you're here to kill me, might as well get a few shots in while I still can.”

That got her an amused look. "Believe it or not, you may be of some use to me," the purple witch tilted her head. "You've always been good at getting in places where you don't belong, stealing things that don't belong to you."

"And that would be...?"

"Belle's heart."

She really couldn't resist. "Oh, I've already done that."

All smugness fell from the Dark One's features. He stalked forward towards her. "As close as you think as you've grown to my wife, you're clearly not close enough to realize the truth--"

"You mean Regina ripping her heart out of her chest?" Maeve mused. "Yeah, already handled that one, mate."

That got her a pause, the Dark One's eyes flickering over her, assessing the witch's words. "I suppose the Horned King's _dog_ would know how to track that down." A damn low blow, but Maeve wasn't about to be knocked off her rhythm. "Where is it now?"

"Back in her chest, where it belongs. After a quick protection spell, of course." Another smile. _Never let them see you scared._ "Now, is that all, or...?"

He nailed her a look that said 'I am going to enjoy doing very painful things to you someday', but obligingly poofed away. As soon as he was gone, the Maeve leaned against the glass counter and let out a shaky breath.

* * *

This was, dare Belle thought, _normal._ After a few weeks together, the lady-loves had thought it time to introduce their fathers to one another. Which of course led to them sharing embarrassing baby stories. Apparently, Belle's first word was 'again', in reference to one of her favorite bedtime stories.

"Here we were, your mother and I tripping over ourselves to get you to say 'mama' or 'papa'," Maurice chuckled in fond remembrance, "and you go with 'again'. Said it three times before we understood what you meant."

Michael chuckled. “Once, I cut my finger in the kitchen, and accidentally cursed in front of Maeve. Try going to market with a four-year-old who thinks swearing like a sailor is the funniest thing in the world.” That made the table burst into laughter--sans the girl in question.

"I was a precocious child," Maeve agreed.

"Understatement of the century, my girl."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mickey Mouse raised Madam Mim as a single father is a fun thought and honestly not even one of the weirdest things that's ever happened on Once Upon a Time.
> 
> So, I hope you liked that! While everything is getting angsty in the main story, I thought it would be fun to rewind a bit to a time where things were much softer.
> 
> As always, if you have any questions/thoughts/ideas/just want to yell your feelings at me comment below and let me know!


	3. The Agrabah Incident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 60 years before the Dark Curse, Madam Mim woke up in a brothel wearing clothes she didn't recognize, a purse full of gold, the worst hangover of her entire life and her face on every wanted poster in Agrabah
> 
> Now, she finally finds out what the hell happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For context, this takes place sometime vaguely season 6

The woman often known as Mary Margaret Blanchard had thought it would be nice to have Merlin and Jasmine over for drinks. To get to know her new co-workers outside of any crises or curse. Both princess and sorcerer taking to their lives as teachers quite well, and slowly but surely adapting to the Land Without Magic.

Then, Maeve showed up to the apartment asking after David, the man had apparently promised to show her how to drive one of their horseless carriages. Cue Jasmine’s startled realization that the woman standing before her was the infamous, the mischievous, Mad Madam Mim.

“Wait, you know her?"

"How could I not?!" The princess stood tall. “Over half a century ago, this woman sowed chaos and destruction into the heart of my kingdom, the likes of which have never seen before or since.” It was very passionately said, and featured appropriate dramatic gesturing. 

Unfortunately, the effect was lost on Mim, who sowed chaos like a farmer would wheat or barley. That is, with frequency to the point of mundane. “Yeah, you’re going to have to be a tad more specific.”

“She used to have a drinking problem.” Merlin gave by way of explanation.

"Wait, so, who are you?" She looked the woman up and down. "I know for a fact that we haven't slept together, love."

Incensed by the implication “I am Princess Jasmine of Agrabah.”

“Oh. Right. That.” A beat of awkward silence. “What did I do, again?"

It was at this point that Merlin burst out laughing. 

“How can you not remember?”

“Eh, it was probably the absinthe. Or the opium. Probably the combination of the two, really.”

“Maybe you should just explain from the beginning,” the schoolteacher intervened, making sure Jasmine wasn’t about to reach for the steak knives.

Maeve sets the scene in Agrabah. She’d apparently been visiting one of their famous opium dens when the Incident occurred. “So, I’ve taken a hit and am starting to fall into a daze when I realize that it’s a bad idea to fall asleep in a place this sketchy."

“Obviously,” Merlin smirks. 

"So I reach into my bag looking for something that’ll, you know, even it out. I end up downing an entire bottle of absinthe. Then boom!” She clapped, causing Jasmine to jump in her seat. “It’s five days later, and I’m in a brothel, wearing clothes I don’t recognize and my face on every wanted poster in the city.”

After the Sorcerer got himself under control, Merlin starting filling in the details between before and after, with Jasmine providing the color commentary.

The facts were these:

A few decades before the Dark Curse, the shapeshifter known as Madam Mim had the idea to take massive amounts of absinthe and opium. At the same time. What she considered to be a great idea and a fun experiment was, in fact, neither. Blackout drinking has been described as your brain turning off, while your body marches on. And Mim’s body got up to quite a lot during those five days.

Her first “brilliant" idea had been to try and fly to the moon and back. Cue the rather intriguing discovery that once you flew to a certain height, there was simply no more air to breath. While whacked out of her mind, she had enough sense to fly back down, in order to keep from suffocating in the vacuum of space. While flying back down, she was so entranced by the view of the Sultan’s palace that she flew into it—crashing like a bird against glass. Whatever confusion the palace residents felt at seeing a dragon smack into the side of a building was only doubled when the dragon turned into a woman. A naked woman.

(Mim has neglected to wear her enchanted clothing that day, items that would disappear and reappear as she shifted in and out of her human form)

Off to that magnificent start, the naked, drunk woman had apparently found it the height of comedy to be chased around by the palace guards. After a chase scene worthy of the Benny Hill show, the witch got a bad case of the munchies and made her way over to the kitchens—proceeding to fork down a meal originally prepared for twenty people.

“You unhinged your jaw like a snake,” Merlin chortled, “it was amazing.”

“It was a state dinner. There was a major peace treaty being discussed!”

Soon afterwards, the shapeshifter found herself in the midst of the Sultan’s harem. The women had heard of the mysterious visitor, and out of the goodness of their hearts (and libidos) decided to hide her amongst them. The next 36 hours consisted of Mim having, shall we say, a LOT of fun with at least six of them. The courtesans knew the risks, more than one woman had lost her head to a Sultan’s jealousy, but let’s just say the shapeshifter’s unique talents (and creative use of tentacles) made it totally worth it.

By the time the Sultan barged in with armed soldiers, Mim was already sneaking out the back. Her lovers had provided her with different clothes and a purse full of gold to help get her out of the city.

For her grand finale, the witch set fire to the palace gardens to cover her escape. The grand hanging gardens of the royal palace were considered by many to be a Wonder of the World. In her haze, Mim decided that it was just as beautiful while actively on fire. Whatever danger the courtesans may have been in from a jealous Sultan, was soon overshadowed by the rage of his destroyed palace.

Thus, Madam Mim became Agrabah’s most wanted criminal, formally exiled from the kingdom on pain of death for the next 50 years.

“Oh,” Maeve stared. “Well, that’s one mystery solved.”

“You’re claiming to have no memory of this?”

“None whatsoever."

Jasmine kept staring like this was the most unbelievable thing in the world. Mary Margaret, who already knew the woman passed out magic mushrooms like party favors, wasn't even phased.

"How do you just... _forget_ doing something like that?"

"Did I mention the absinthe, love? Besides, in a ranked list of the worst things that I have ever done, that wouldn't even crack the top ten."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! I hoped you liked that. I'm really sorry it's taken so long...
> 
> As always, if you have any questions/concerns/just want to scream your feelings at me comment below and let me know!


	4. Tabula Rosa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the Charmings come to seek advice about their unborn child, the Sorcerer’s Apprentice reflects on his relationship with his own daughter.
> 
> “I sensed you coming. I also sensed that you are at a loss over your child. Something I can relate to…” 
> 
> (Takes place during 4x16 "Best Laid Plans")

“I sensed you coming. I also sensed that you are at a loss over your child. Something I can relate to…” Remembering himself, the Apprenticed welcomed the royal couple into his house.

As he poured them tea, Snow White shared the conflicting visions she and her husband received from the unicorn. The young mother had reached out for answers, but only had more questions.

“I’m afraid they both are,” he answered with honesty. At their confused looks, he continued. “You see, we are all born as blank slates with the potential for good or evil and with the gift of free will so we can choose between the two. Which is why there is an equal chance that either of your visions may come true.” Even his master, Merlin, one of the greatest oracles that had ever lived, did not know everything. 

“If the future I saw comes to pass, our child’s life will be bleak, full of pain and darkness. Is there nothing we can do to ensure our child’s goodness?”

(In another world, this is where the Author steps in, changing the Apprentice's thoughts and words for the sake of a good story. But for the sake of ours, let’s put that off just a bit.)

“I don’t think you fully realize what you’re asking for.”

“Ensuring what’s best for our child, I think we do.”

His expression was one of striking paternal disapproval that was only natural coming from the man who had raised Madam Mim. “What you are suggesting would strip away part of your child’s free will, altering their nature into something you consider more ‘acceptable’.”

To their credit, the Charmings looked horrified by that implication. Good.“But, it’s to ensure her  _ goodness _ , to make sure she’ll have a better life. You can’t--you’re overexaggerating.” Michael sighed. How many well-meaning couples had damaged their children with that very notion?

Looking into his tea cup, he observed the floating pieces of tea leaves in the amber liquid. “I have a daughter of my own. She was always such a jolly little girl, so curious about the world around her,” he smiled like someone who did it often once, but was long out of practice. “Like you, I received a prophecy about the role my child would play in a great battle between good and evil.”

A raised eyebrow. “How so?” Could the shepherd be thinking of a potential new ally? Smart of him, but pointless. Maeve was busy enough with Annuvin to concern herself with this. 

“I’ll spare you the details, but suffice it to say, she would provide aid on a great quest, and be a hero in her own right. A heavy burden, but one I knew she would be strong enough to carry when the time came.”

Husband and wife adjusted themselves in their seats, their hands reaching for each other. “I’m sensing a ‘but’ here.”

An innocent smile “ _ But  _ she got older, and started to chafe at the idea of her life being plotted out for her.” Looking back, he had handled it...poorly. Maeve had been young, to her the world full of possibilities and thought of destiny as little more than a yoke. He was centuries old and too used to thinking about the big picture. “Then a great evil came into our lives, and darkness entered my daughter’s heart.” He took a drink, trying not to remember the reek of burning flesh and the tall, lonely oak tree. So many things could have been different if he would have just stopped and considered her point of view. “For many years, she walked down a path as bleak as you fear for your own child, and I realized too late that even with everything I wanted her to be, first and foremost Maeve was going to be her own person.”

“That must have hurt, to see your child in pain like that,” the princess’ hand stroked her stomach.

A knot in his throat, he could barely speak over. “More than I could ever say.” Two centuries of silence had made him appreciate the joyful chaos of children all the more.

“If you knew then what you knew now, wouldn’t you have done everything you could to protect your daughter? To keep Maeve from making those horrible mistakes?”

A low, humorless chuckle. “You flatter me, Your Majesty. As if I didn’t make as many mistakes as she did.” He clears his throat and shakes off the old memories. “I have told you this so you can learn from my errors. As parents, it is your responsibility to guide and protect your child, but you cannot dictate their lives to them. Savior or no, your daughter has the right to make her own decisions and her own mistakes. For her sake, and for yours, I will do no such thing.”

Snow White and Prince Charming looked at him with a sad kind of frustration. The fairies have spoiled them, he couldn’t help but think. They were supposed to teach royals a healthy respect for magic, not the idea that it could do everything for them. “Then what would you have us do?”

  
“Love her. Love her even if she does make all the wrong choices. Love her even if she becomes a villain, even if she sets the royal gardens on fire or decides sleeping with a vampire is a good life choice.”

“What?”

“Not important. What is important is that even if this bleak future occurs, love your daughter and she will come back to you. Love is the strongest force of all, and is what will save your daughter, rather than any magic of mine.”

(A good lesson. A shame they would not remember it, as the Author has a particularly nasty habit of rewriting memories of past events to better suit his story.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a big believer in free will, the 4B plot with Lily and Emma seriously rubbed me the wrong way. Like, the writers unintentionally seriously undermined Emma as a character. So, if only in my AU/headcannon space, the spell the Apprentice did to give all of Emma’s “darkness” to Lily was just a pretty lightshow and sent the egg on its merry way. Something he only ever did under the Author’s sway. All of the ‘darkness’ and ‘light’ talk was more or less the power of the placebo effect.
> 
> Whelp. Hope you enjoyed! If you have any questions/concerns/want to discuss OUAT's horrible writing in season 4, comment below and let me know!


	5. A (un)Friendly Letter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An excerpt from upcoming chapter 11 of BKBC that I think ya'll will enjoy. I know I certainly did.

_ To Her Royal Majesty _

_ Queen Regina of Misthaven, _

_ I have received your letter, so graciously sent a fortnight last, in which you requested information pertaining to your stepdaughter, Her Grace Princess Snow White, and her husband, His Grace, Prince James, in exchange for Annuvin’s continued safety. _

_ I must advise that the implications of the terms of your proposal you set forth are extremely troubling, as any neutral outside party would very likely determine that your intent was to threaten an unprovoked attack that would be rather inappropriate considering the long history of peace between our two kingdoms, and Annuvin’s long established neutrality regarding affairs of the Enchanted Forest. _

_ As stated previously, I have made it a general policy to not inject my nation into affairs that do not concern us, especially ones as complicated and nuanced as a line of succession. I cannot claim any particular friendship with your late husband, HRM King Leopold, but I believe he would be saddened to see his wife and child feuding so after his untimely death. _

_ I sincerely wish to find that I have been mistaken as to your intentions. After all, Annuvin has a long and violent history, and the petty struggles of warlords and ravagers from before my reign are still in living memory. I wish to see the many veterans of the Unification war stay with their homes and families, rather than engaged in another bloody conflict. I believe that an army’s purpose is for the defense of its homeland and not for conquest, as my predecessors did. Should my understanding of your offer as an implicit threat be correct, I will have no choice but to do whatever it takes for the continued health and security of my realm. _

_ As for the supposed meeting that occurred between myself and your relations, I can only say that Annuvin’s hospitality has always been offered to weary travelers, some of them likely even being thieves and highwaymen. The mountains of Annuvin can be so treacherous to those who do not know them well. One who has evaded the queen’s justice for so long must be quite skilled at traveling in disguise. _

_ I hope this letter will help put your mind at ease, and lead to a continued harmony between our two nations. I wish you all the good health and prosperity as is your due. _

_ So signed, _

_ Her Royal Highness, the Queen Witch _

_ Heir of Pwyll, Prince of Dyfed _

_ Bearer of the Iron Crown _

_ Uniter and Defender of Annuvin _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By this point, Mim has mastered the fine art of saying 'fuck you' without actually saying it. 
> 
> If you have any questions, concerns, thoughts, or want me to translate the exact underhanded digs Mim made at Regina, comment below and let me know!

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! :)
> 
> So...this is a collection of ideas that I have that I couldn't find room for in the main story or are so far out that I couldn't fit it in.
> 
> I hope you enjoy! If you like what you've read here or have any thoughts/questions/feelings, comment below and let me know!


End file.
